Monthly Archives: May 2012

Social Media, Pornography, & Parenting Part 3

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Post written by Ron Cook

PORNOGRAPHY

Is Pornography Really a Problem for Kids?

  • Consider these statistics:
    • The internet has surpassed TV as the media of choice for kids.
    • NBC recently reported that 50% of access to the internet is now on mobile devices.
    • 43% of the internet is pornographic.
    • 90% of 8-16 year olds have viewed pornography.
    • The average age of exposure to internet pornography is age 11.
    • The U.S. Department of Education reports that 27% of 4-6 year olds are on the internet and 35% of those will go to pornographic websites.
    • The adult film industry reports that 20-30% of its online traffic is from children.
    • 89% of youth admit to receiving sexual solicitation in chat rooms.[1]

How Should Parents Respond?

  • Take the initiative.
    • Communicate openly with your child or teen.
    • Studies have shown that teens who avoid sexual activity have a high level of connection with their parent(s).
    • Studies have also shown that parental relationships are more powerful than hormones.[1]
  • Gain knowledge.
    • “It is not good to have zeal without knowledge. Nor to be hasty and miss the way.” (Proverbs 19:2, NIV)
  • Model truth.
    • Many parents are appalled when they find that their teen has been accessing pornography on the internet yet fail to recognize their own contribution to the problem.
    • “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9)
  • Teach in the context of relationship.
    • Realistically examine the relationship that you have with your child or teen. Many parents do not have an accurate understanding of the relationship they have with their kids. If you overestimate the closeness you have with them, they will view you as a hypocrite and will not listen to you.
  • No question is off limits.
    • If you child or teen perceives that you are unwilling to answer their questions, they WILL ASK SOMEONE ELSE! Wouldn’t you rather they get an answer from you—even if it makes you uncomfortable.
  • Start young.
    • Reread the statistics above. With the average age of exposure to pornography currently at age 11, and many 4-6 year olds also being exposed, you must start building a relationship of openness and honesty with your children at very young ages.
    • “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

As human society continues to evolve, so do the challenges of “training up our children in the way they should go.” The internet and social media have ushered in a new era of educational and relational opportunities. These new tools, like most things, can be used to honor God or to sin against him. Parents now face the challenge of teaching their children to use these new tools in responsible and God-honoring ways. As you seek to guide your children and teenagers to use these tools, I encourage you read and apply God’s Word to every situation. The truth of the Bible is timeless. And remember, you DO NOT have to walk this road alone.


[1] Statistics taken from Josh McDowell presentation, “Just 1 Click Away,” at the 2011 American Association of Christian Counselors World Conference in Nashville, TN.

[2] Ibid.

Social Media, Pornography, & Parenting Part 2

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Post written by Ron Cook

CYBER AND VIDEO GAME ADDICTION

What is Cyber Addiction and Video Game Addiction?

  • Cyber addiction takes many forms:
    • Video Game Addiction
    • Cybersex Addiction—Includes pornography, adult chat rooms, etc.
    • Compulsive Behaviors
      • Online Gambling
      • Stock Trading
      • Online Shopping
      • “Checking” Behaviors—habitually checking social media sites, forums, blogs, or other websites for updates.
  • Computer Addiction—An all-inclusive addiction ranging from compulsively playing Solitaire to programming compulsions.
  • According to a nationwide survey, 8% of teens show signs of behavioral addiction to video games.[1]

What are the Warning Signs of Cyber and Video Game Addiction?

According to the center for On-Line Addiction, the warning signs for internet addiction are:

  • Staying online or gaming for increasing amounts of time.
  • Thinking about the internet or gaming during other activities.
  • Gaming or going online to escape from real-life problems, anxiety, or depression.
  • Lying to friends and family to conceal gaming or internet use.
  • Feeling irritable when trying to cut back on gaming or time online.
  • Repeated unsuccessful attempts to control or cut back gaming.[2]

How Should a Parent Respond?

  • If your child or teen is showing warning signs of addiction DO NOT dismiss it as “just a phase.” 
    • “Be very careful then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”  (Ephesians 5:15-17, NIV)
    • Be aware of online games that involve chat and other social media features.  According to Dr. Kimberly Young, “the collaborative/competitive nature of working with or against other players can make it hard to take a break.”  These games have been dubbed “heroinware” by some players.[3]
    • Keep logs of how much time is spent online and the child or teens’ reaction to time limits.
    • Note problems in the teen’s life related to relationships, homework, chores, lying, or stealing. 
    • Gain knowledge regarding the common signs of addiction (i.e. seeking the feelings of euphoria, developing tolerance, withdrawal, relapse, deception, anger, and isolation).
    • Seek professional help.  Cyber addiction and video game addiction are serious problems and should be taken seriously.

[1] Clinton, Tim and Chap Clark, Counseling Teenagers.  (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2010).

[2] Young, Kimberly.  Netaddiction.com.  “Signs of Internet Addiction.”

[3] Ibid.  

Social Media, Pornography, & Parenting Part 1

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Post written by Ron Cook

SOCIAL MEDIA

How has the world of social media changed since the year 2000?

  • In 2000 the average American spent 2.7 hours per week online; in 2012 the average American spent 18 hours per week online.
  • In 2000 Facebook didn’t exist.  In 2010 there were 600 million people on Facebook.
  • In 2000 YouTube didn’t exist.  In 2010 there were 2 billion videos watched per day on YouTube.
  • In 2000 Twitter didn’t exist.  In 2010 there were 25 billion tweets on Twitter.
  • In 2000 iTunes didn’t exist.  In 2010 there were 10 billion downloads from iTunes.
  • In 2000 Wikipedia didn’t exist.  In 2010 there were 19 million articles on Wikipedia.[1]

What are the benefits of children and teens using social media?

Socialization and Communication

According to a recent report from the American Academy of Pediatrics, “Social media sites allow teens to accomplish online many of the tasks that are important to them offline: staying connected with friends and family, making new friends, sharing pictures, and exchanging ideas. Social media participation also can offer adolescents deeper benefits that extend into their view of self, community, and the world.”[2]

Enhanced Learning Opportunities

Middle and high school students are increasingly using social media to connect with one another to complete homework assignments and other group projects.  Sites such as Facebook provide a gathering place for students to collaborate their studies.  In addition, some schools have successfully used blogs as teaching tools to develop skills in English, writing, and creativity.[3]

What are the risks?

Cyberbullying and Online Harassment

Cyberbullying is defined as, “deliberately using digital media to communicate false, embarrassing, or hostile information about another person.”[4] This is the most common form of online harassment.

Sexting

Sexting is defined as “sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit messages, photographs, or images via cell phone, computer, or other digital devices.”[5]

Facebook Depression

While still not fully understood, the American Academy of Pediatrics has noted a new form of depression that occurs when preteens and teens spend a great deal of time on social media sites, such as Facebook or MySpace, and then begin to exhibit classic symptoms of depression. According to researchers, “acceptance by and contact with peers is an important element of adolescent life. The intensity of the online world is thought to be a factor that may trigger depression in some adolescents. As with offline depression, preadolescents and adolescents who suffer from Facebook depression are at risk for social isolation and sometimes turn to risky Internet sites and blogs for “help” that may promote substance abuse, unsafe sexual practices, or aggressive or self-destructive behaviors.”[6]

How Should a Parent Respond?

  • Monitor your own use of social media.  Kids and teens often model their parents’ behavior.  Set an example for your children of responsible use of social media (and all forms of media for that matter).  Consider the words of the Apostle Paul, “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial” (1 Corinthians 10:23)
  • Talk to your children about meaningful offline relationships.  Social media has created a vehicle for teens to sidestep the critical life task of forming attachment bonds with others.  Teens that suffer from low self-esteem or have experienced rejection may find online relationships less intimidating and therefore will prioritize those relationships over meaningful offline relationships.
  • Make pleasing God the goal.  1 John 2:15-17 applies to any overindulgence in worldly pursuits:  “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever” (ESV).
  • Seek professional help.  Addiction to social media can often be an indicator of deeper emotional and spiritual issues.  When this is the case, talking with someone who can ask the right questions is often the most effective solution.

[1] Statistics taken from Josh McDowell presentation, “Just 1 Click Away,” at the 2011 American Association of Christian Counselors World Conference in Nashville, TN.

[2] O’Keefe, Gwenn MD, and Kathleen Clarke-Pearson MD, From the American Academy of Pediatrics Clinical Report, The Impact of Social Media on Children, Adolescents, and Families.  (Published online March 28, 2011).

[3] Ibid.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid.

[6] Ibid.

Drawing From the Well Daily

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Guess what. . . life is full of problems!  I know that may come as a shock to you but it bears repeating. . .life is FULL of problems!  Everyone who has ever lived has had problems of some sort; health problems, relationship problems, legal problems, financial problems, spiritual problems, etc.  The question is not “will we have trouble in this life,” but “how much trouble will I have TODAY?”  You see the Bible tells us that we will have trouble and that EACH DAY will have trouble:

“I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.”  (John 16:33 HCSB)

“Each day has enough trouble  of its own.”  (Matthew 6:33b HCSB)

Now I want you to imagine yourself living in a sweltering desert, dependent on a well for life-sustaining water.  Each morning you go and draw fresh, cool water from the well.  As the day wears on the water becomes warm and begins to lose its effectiveness as a thirst quencher.  Do you drink the warm water or do you return to the well to again draw fresh, cool water?  I don’t know about you but I prefer the cool water!  However, cool water comes at a price–frequent trips to the well.

How does this relate to life’s problems?  Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “The faithful love of the LORD never ends!  His mercies never cease.  Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.”  As we face life’s problems we must make frequent trips to the well of God’s mercy.  We must drink from the water of life and plead with Him to grant us the grace we need for today.  Drawing from the well daily is a help for us in both preparing us to face adversity and for comforting us in the midst of it.  Unfortunately, many people only run to God when problems arise and thereby miss many of His blessings.

I know what you’re thinking; “but I don’t have TIME to make frequent trips to the well.”  I think Martin Luther addressed that notion correctly when he said, “I have so much to do today that I should spend the first three hours in prayer.”  So I ask you, “really?  You really don’t have time for God.  You don’t have time for the creator of the universe?  You don’t have time for the one who ‘knit you together in your mother’s womb?'”  He is the creator, we are the creature.  Who are we to tell God how our time should be spent and who are we to say that He is unworthy of our time!

So what do we do?  If you find yourself responding that you don’t have time, first perhaps you should consider who gave you that time in the first place.  Second, repent.  Repent of your selfish heart.  Repent of treating God as though He is the least important thing in your life.  Third, take stock of your priorities.  The writer of Ecclesiastes, after declaring “everything meaningless” closed the book with these words, “When all has been heard, the conclusion of the matter is: fear God and keep His commands, because this is for all humanity.”  (Ecclesiastes 12:13 HCSB).

Don’t ask why; Don’t think about; Just GO!  Go to the well and enjoy the cool, refreshing water of God’s mercy.

Ron